Hello today, please be boring.
( warning: looonnnng epic-novel proportions post ahead )

I felt like Arthur on the Magic School Bus: "I should've stayed home today."

my answer?


Yes.

I had dinner with lindsay tonight. Twas lovely and tasty (I am in love with Ramsi's now) and only a bit awkward (heh). it was nice to see a friend at last. i have such antisocial tendencies...but I told her some about the last few months, and never finished telling, but instead ended up writing it now, because I think I need to talk about it, yeah?
Anyway, it's a sort-of-poem, and I apologize for the length. It's the description of the first panic attack I had, the one with no apparent cause, and the way that Cory took care of me and, albeit unwittingly, kept me from hurting him or myself.

( she is loved )

Love always

KMB

I had a dream, two days ago, I think.
I was in a church, and I didn't feel claustrophobic.
The message was about compassion and about love, not about a set of rules. It was about loving your neighbor as yourself, and in my dream, I knew that everyone in the room was learning to do just that. Every face was different. People of different races sat with their families, happy to be together, and happy to sit next to someone not exactly like themselves. The wealthy suburbanites sat next to the homeless. Everyone was united together because everyone was broken, and they all needed to be helped back on their feet. Everyone had a secret sadness, no matter how they appeared.
They all knew a secret.
They knew that sadness and pain can be anywhere, but joy can be the same way.
Coming together shared their joy, and no matter how little there was to start with, it was always enough to spread around to everyone.
Rich, poor, black, brown, white, gay, straight, old, young, cool, nerdy, and any other classifications of people were there, and they did not hold any of these characteristics against each other. Instead, they were all friends, all loved each other, and simply cared about how to care for each other.

I woke up sad.

I have never seen this, and I wonder if it can even exist, because nobody seems able to love unconditionally.

Then I heard our chapel speaker today.
This was his dream, and this is his church. It's small, but it's growing, because instead of meeting in one big building, they meet wherever people are, and build friendships with each other, and help each other, no matter what they believe.

Maybe it can be more than a mere dream.

Snow is falling outside, big, fat, soft, white flakes, and Yo-Yo Ma, Itzhak Perlman, Anthony McGill, and Gabriela Montero are playing a rather lovely song.
The fact at the bottom of the screem reads "Barack Obama just became president; the constitution states his term begins at noon even without oath."

I'm watching history, just like millions of Americans and probably much of the world is at present, and it's a rather odd feeling. I know it is an important moment, but it is not an individual one, and so I don't know how to make much of it, except to write a bit.

Things are going to change in the next four years, I think, though I doubt it will be entirely related to having Obama in office, but rather to the the normal flow of the world, the spiral nature of nearly everything we know.


That's all.

yummy dinner tonight:

lowfat vanilla yogurt+sliced banana+crunchy peanut butter+honey=protein, dairy, and carbs

conclusion reached?

i can cook when it doesn't involve a stove or oven.

only finals left.

yay for getting myself immersed in jude the obscure, a room of one's own, and the dead.

isn't that just happy?


oddly, though, i don't dislike the modern era. in fact, i quite like it, thus far. it's actually open to change...k back to studying. bye!

(edit follows)

p.s. lindsay, your post got me started on a rant i'm not sure i'm going to be able to write and pretty sure i won't finish...

(done!)

i know it's actually the 13th now

but i just got on lj


HAPPY BIRTHDAY MANDY!
i love you!

you perceive all of these things i'd never have known
love, will you turn out the lights, cause we're already home...

you painted me in pastels
colors that don't tell of any boldness
cause that's the way you'd love to see me
so delicate, so weak, so little purpose

but your eyes are drawn in charcoal
they're black, they're so cold, they're so imperfect
because they see a sleeping world where
waking isn't worth it

you perceive all of these things i'd never have known
love, will you turn out the lights, cause we're already home.

congratulations to amanda and caleb!
and welcome to this world, miss skylee!

she's beautiful.


and i completely forgot i could post this on lj.

this week, i...
drove way too fast down harrodsburg
drove way too fast down the 64
forgot that not all country roads have a speed limit of fifty-five
and got a speeding ticket.

it's a bad one, too. i'm going to have to do traffic school and all of that crap.

THEN while driving to versailles to pick up mary and cass, i swear at least four rocks hit my window. then we counted at least four more on the way home, nearly got killed in a parking lot by a guy on the wrong side of the road, and nearly got killed by a drifting semi.

THEN i had to park in the grass because my friend ciara is keeping her car at our house over the break because it was going to cost too much to keep it at the airport. well, it's been raining incessantly, and my car has old tires and minimal horsepower and is now stuck in the mud that is our yard.

so i have been driving my dad's car, which burns gas faster than a pyromaniac with matches and a haystack.
it's not pretty.

anyway, i'm going back to reading and writing, and i'll post something more worthwhile later. ha. probably not.

<3 kmb

home till monday.
i'm super busy, but i would love to see anybody who has time...

love you guys!

katie

i'm sad. i don't have brit lit this friday.

the short list of things katie spilled on herself in the six hours she spent at work:
1. sweet tea
2. more sweet tea
3. unsweet tea
4. shake base
5. more tea
6. coke
7. lemonade
8. shake base again
9. more tea
10. more shake base
11. hot water mixed with degreaser
12. hot water

yet somehow i am still alive, and was informed by three managers within the last three days that i am currently in a position to be in management.
go figure.
cfa is a strange place.

by the way, john keats is pretty much amazing, and he is the one who made "beauty is in the eyes of the beholder" famous. i learned that today.

happy leap day!

today, before class started, dr. strait asked several of us this: if you had twenty dollars to spend, and were incredibly hungry, but could also buy a book that you really wanted, would you choose the book or food?
he asked me directly, and of course my answer was that i would buy the book, to which he replied, "i knew you would."
this made me quite happy. i am, perhaps, fitting into this world of literature that is created by the English department.
'tis lovely.

quote of the day:
"It's essential not to lose our love of reading; that's what got us into our mess in the first place." -dr. strait
when this was repeated back to him several weeks later, obviously quite impressed with himself: "did i say that?!"

i think that much of my writing will be a result of this class.

-kmb

thus begins the logging of the inside jokes of the group...

( weird cop encounter #1 )

enjoy.

buenos dias!

the more i read, the more i think.
the more i think, the more i write.

these are my thoughts, once i actually post them.

it'll probably be about everything-my classes, professors, friends, conversations, coworkers, customers, and who knows what else.

it's also simply going to be about life.


.kmb.